Give me oil in my lamp keep me burning....

Unlike my male counterparts who drive souped up kev1n cars and motorbikes, i drive a "hairdressers" car:

(OK its 10 years old and not quite as shiny as the one above but it goes, Pingu likes to sunbathe on it and I look good in it.)

Anyway, up until now I have successfully avoided anything under the bonnet, especially the oil bit. I am not sure if you look at it, measure it, change it or cook with it so the next task i set myself was to find out. Here i present my findings and "how-to":

• Park the car somewhere flat (or the oil reading wont be reliable)
• Scrabble around in the car pulling every nob (pfffftt!) until one of them magically "pops your hood" (slang technical speaks for getting the bonnet of your car to open).
• The next instruction I found said to "Find the dipstick and take it out"!?!? After more research I find that the dipstick is actually a stick for measuring the amount of oil, it just sits in the oil container thing and acts like a lid. It is a long thin bit of metal with a loop on the top.

(At this stage it is best to get changed out of ones work clothes - I would have put this at the start of this post but i think that you should all ruin a pair of fairly new Next wide-legged trousers like I did)

• After finding and extracting the "dipstick", you should wipe it on some of that paper you see next to the petrol pumps in garages that I never knew what to do with until today.
  
• Replace the dipstick back where it came from, leave for a few seconds, then pull it out again to that you can see where the mark from the oil is. Most dipsticks have 2 lines on them - the oil should come up to half way between these lines.

If it is below this level (mine was quite low) you will need to buy some oil and add it through a funnel until the mark comes up. Apparently your car manual should tell you what type of oil but I lost mine so I just went into the garage and fluttered my eyelashes at the Saturday lad who seemed to know less than I did.
Et voila - oil is sorted. Look out for my next exciting installment, no I haven’t decided what it will be yet.

By the way do you like my horegull what i made with potato chop?